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Monday, July 18, 2011

What's a smart woman like you doing at home?

I used to wonder if that's what people thought...when we made our decision to stay home with our kids, we didn't take it lightly.  It meant giving up a lot of things...A LOT of things.  It also meant taking in a few things.  I love every second of it - well not every second but for the most part, it's my life's work and I am proud.  For some they have no choice - for those who have a choice and choose to work, my hats off to you and I give my love and support to my working sisters.  For those of us who live in regret - both working and at home moms...I salute you.  We all do.  But...that being said...an open comment to a family member who took a few stay at home shots at me, if you live in regret because you work, let's talk about it...do not belittle my work.  I take it very seriously.

There's an interesting tug of war between working and at home moms.  Most of my working friends don't feel it - some do but most are very happy with their choices.  Many of my at home friends miss the office and commeraderie (and money) but all in all, are very happy at home.  Then there are the few that can't shake it off.  The ones at home because they feel they have to but are miserable and the ones at work because they need the money or the status and miss their kids.  I remember...I remember heading to work, as exciting news was, and getting the call that Maddie took her first steps...in daycare.  It made me physically sick.  Four years later, there I am, covering 911 and putting in 14 hour days - temporary yes but 9/11 was the grandmama of all news stories for producers...and hearing Ava on the phone at two telling me about her toys...or books...never could tell but it was her voice that I still hear in my head. 

I put in 15 hour days...I invest in my kids, I am truly present...I feel that volunteering in their schools and book clubs, reading and playing and being with them is my job.  I am proud of my work.  I am also sad when I watch the news and wonder if the team producing the Casey Anthony trial was as riled up as I was...I kept wishing I was back in the newsroom peeling myself up off the floor and figuring out how to headline it while keeping the gasping out of the anchor's voice. 

So my sisters in motherhood...we all work, we all bust our ass and we all live in some kind of regret because we can't do it all...the key is going to sleep at night with peace in our head and in our heart and if not, figure out how to get it and opening up with the truth is far more effective than firing a shot.

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