I heard it said a long time ago we have two families. Our family of origin and our family of choice. Clearly my family of origin has some significance in my life but we hardly see them and my younger kids couldn't spot them out in a line up. Then we have our family of choice - the amazing friends who have come into my life and my home and my spirit; helped me raise my kids, feed my soul, borrow my car, shop, live and laugh with us. Every major decision has me asking them what they think - the sisters in my life who don't share DNA. It's a great feeling to have this. It's a connection I have craved since I was a little girl. Growing up in my childhood home had its moments but connection wasn't among them. We were actually quite disconnected - a blood line but no life line. To feel safe to sob, laugh, be silly, make mistakes and grow out loud is a place I am at today. I called it arrival before and it really is but when you arrive, isn't it fabulous to have someone waiting? Isn't a finish line only exciting when there is cheering?
I have sisters and brothers that I invite into my home and my life who adore me, love my kids, remember important things and say delicious things about wanting to see me. There is so much self introspection that comes from growing up and part of it is realizing you want to be wanted and I do. I spent a friend's 40th birthday celebration with women I not only admire, I truly adore. Strong, loving, smart moms who took care of me when I was sick and celebrated with me in recovery. It's a deeply rooted feeling of security to have that. It's nice to be wanted. It's nice to have someone just happy you are here. I have a friend whose parents fight - seriously fight - about who gets to spend more time with their grandchildren. I have no idea what that's like but I do know that may be me one day. My poor children will be begging me to leave. Maddie just said she sees herself with her children one day, coming to a family vacation home on all the holidays with her siblings and their kids. I see that too but I am most happy she sees it. I want her to feel wanted and to feel desired by her family.
I feel success as a mom when I see that her family of origin may also be her family of choice. Then I realize I have done it and she can leave realizing whoever said, you can't go home again, never had me as a mother.