So my fatigue has taken a turn for the worst. I am exhausted most all the time and I can't seem to get enough rest or sleep to make it even just a tired day. Yes, chemo is cumulative and yes, 12 months of injected poison will take its toll but am I doing all I can to help? err...no. I teach four year olds four days a week in preschool...I adore them, they keep me laughing and in many ways they keep me going but the situation can also be life sucking and I struggle with whether I am cheating them in my fatigue but that's a work in progress and giving them everything is my goal. My own children have me from sun up to long past sun down and they can also be energy vampires - they deserve more than they are getting. My husband is my safe place, my sanctuary and yet even he, in a simple conversation, can break me down because sometimes just finding enough syllables to form a word is challenging. So I review...am I eating what I need to be? No. Am I doing all the exercising I said I would be doing? No. Am I sleeping enough? Enough? Well...okay, am I sleeping? Yes.
So here we go...Crazy, Sexy Cancer Diet. This granola guru has the answers she says. I need a whole foods plant based diet and a lot of yoga. She came back from stage 4 cancer with living this way...whatever, I don't do that kind of tree hugging thing but I AM willing to give this a shot. Just buying the book meant I was open to it. Giving up Diet Coke is a definite but giving up coffee? um...I'm pissy already just thinking about it. And no...green tea is NOT equally satisfying. A spinach smoothie does not taste like a milkshake and fresh broccoli steamed lightly enough to preserve enzymes is not a fulfilling side dish so let's just be honest before we begin. If I need to do this, I will but I won't do it under the notion that I will enjoy all the raw food has to offer. I will be open to feeling joyous later about it but right now I reserve the right to bitch.
I bought my super powered Vitamix blender wondering if a day spa with all the trimmings...about the same price, wouldn't be more fun but I digress...yes, once it arrives, I will be smoothing my way to health. I am totally committed to doing whatever I have to do...and I will begin right after Thanksgiving.
I mean c'mon...let's be real here. No stuffing?